Last gif = My plan.
High school advice. Last gif = still my plan.
(Source: ohmr)
Good job brain.
Really. I’m getting up and making a stand for what I believe I can do. I am going to apply to three wonderful colleges and one not so wonderful one. And I’m going to get accepted by at least two. I hope. :) And it feels good. SO DAMN GOOD WITHOUT YOU OVERSHADOWING ME.
I should have just been mad forever. And never forgiven you.
But I’m a bigger person than that.
I forgive you.
I don’t dislike you.
But I don’t like you either.
I’m indifferent.
And I’m sure as hell going to make sure that I find someone who appreciates everything that I do for them, as a friend, as a girlfriend, what have you. Because friendships don’t cause pain like this one did. Friendships don’t hurt. They should be easy. And ours most definitely was not. I tried many times. Too many times.
I’m not forgetting. I’m simply walking away from an unhealthy friendship.
—
Grey’s Anatomy
This quote is so completely relevant. I can’t even..
Why is this happening, now? After all this time? After I thought I was FINE.
Do you ever get that feeling where you can’t breathe anymore? Every inhale comes with a dull pain as you feel your airway slowly constricting itself. Your mouth starts to dry out. Everything around you seems become even quieter, so all you hear is the sound of your heart beating against your ribcage. Your vision becomes blurry, a sudden pressure surfaces in your face. The only way to alleviate it is to let it all go. You choke on the tears for a while, until it becomes unbearable. Then there’s the trigger; that one thing that makes it all happen. The spark that ignites the flame. The break in the dam. That moment when everything rushes out with such an unbelievable force that it feels it will never stop. That’s when everything else rushes in. As soon as you let go, more things keep the flow of pain going. Unrelated, painful and scary things. And soon you’re lying in the depths of despair, with no light at the end of the tunnel and a puddle of tears. And that’s the moment you ask yourself why you even care so much anymore, even though you already know the answer: you will always care.
I’ve never breathed a breath of air that didn’t carry the weight of the world, or the worries of a young girl in tow. I’ve never felt what it’s like to be truly at peace with a place, or who I was, or what everything around me appeared to be. There isn’t a memory that I can look back on that isn’t spoiled by the bittersweet thought: I will never have a moment like this again. My wish is to have a moment like that; where I can take that fresh, freeing and infinite breath without wishing for more.
And then there was a moment of clarity.
In the end things might be okay, they might not. You cannot possibly predict the future. You cannot look into an enchanted mirror or peer upon a crystal ball. No deck of cards or soothsayer can tell you what things are going to be like in the end. But you have the power to determine it. Because no matter what you want, you have the power to achieve it. If you remain persistent and keep your eyes focused on the here and now, there will be a happy ending.
Don’t waste today worrying about tomorrow.
Fists and teeth clenched like vices she jogged to the bench bracing herself for what she was about to hear: “You were wide-ass open and you didn’t do anything! Get your head in the game!” and, “Come on, the least you can do is stop the person with the ball!” and, “Look out to the wing for the open shot, don’t force it.” Could it get any worse? Not only did she work her ass off every moment she was on the floor, but she also had to come back to the coaches, like a panel of judges, and have her confidence torn apart for the most marginal mistakes. Was it worth it? in her mind, not at all. If she could have it her way she would throw in the towel right now and say goodbye to this once-passion forever.
On the bench, she still had her fists balled up and her chin jutted out in defiance and frustration, struggling to keep her breathing steady and withhold the tears she was dying to relinquish. She wasn’t going to be able to do this much longer. Putting time and energy into something that never gave back was like an abusive relationship; especially with something she had such a love for since the ripe age of seven. The game slipped away from her view as she lot of life without basketball, and with that thought, all reality dissolved entirely. She didn’t know what it would be: it was the unknown she wanted to explore.
A firm, warm hand clasped her shoulder and brought her back to earth, it was Elise. There had never been more than a greeting spoken between the two, and this was the opportune moment for that to change.
“You’re nervous and not confident,” Elise commented hesitantly.
“Thanks, I hadn’t noticed.”
“Look kid, get rid of those damn butterflies, okay?” She spoke more firmly now. “You’re better than that and you know it. You’re one of the best damned post players on this team and its time for you to prove yourself. When you go back in that game you’ve gotta show ol’ Bob that he doesn’t have a reason to put you on this bench. You have to show him that you’re better than that. Beat some ass! I don’t care if you hurt someone, even! Well, don’t do it on purpose… but… Anyway, prove yourself! I know you’re fucking awesome, but you have to believe it too, okay?”
And that was it. That was all she needed to hear. The tears stopped pressing against the rims of her eyes, her fists uncoiled and her teeth showed between an unmistakable part in her lips. She was smiling again; she wasn’t useless. It was about time somebody told her that, too.
